- 15 Guys Explain Why They Date Women Over 30
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How old are you and what are your interests? Most women my age seem to want the opposite of every element of that. I find in my travels that the women I meet with a similar lifestyle are usually either retired or not yet established in careers. I do meet some who are a bit similar in my age category, mostly traveling nurses, but they are fairly few and far between.
I say I was stubborn because I was not flexible or willing to change my life trajectoryOh to accommodate theirs. It felt like my goals were second to theirs cause their careers were more established. I actually dated a traveler too. He basically felt that his schedule was more important than my own cause he was much further ahead than I was. My last point is especially what? I would be content with a situation in which that pragmatically turned out to be the case.
I was agreeing that that was my experience as well.
15 Guys Explain Why They Date Women Over 30
It makes sense though that an older guy would want something more traditional and conventional as far as gender roles went. Nothing wrong with that either. Your general tone in this whole discussion has been very negative on age difference relationships and the way that you couched things made it seem like you were condemning me. My mother would laugh in your face at that comment. As would my father.
They were not equals. She was on top.
There was never any ambiguity to that. In the absolutely ideal vision of things, my wife would be in a management role and I would be the laborer, which is exactly how it was for my parents and I suspect my apparently quite happy and successful maternal grandparents.
You and I seem to be the same in our career orientation. You mean a kid? Yeah this is big. Women in their 20s seem to be in less of a hurry and not have as much baggage IME, this dynamic can take a hard turn after a few years. Often the 20somethings think the 30somethings look great at first Long term potential is hard to predict. What was my service? Or temporarily feeding said old guys ego? Make sure that fitness and health are intrinsically important to to him. If this somehow works out when you are 34 he'll be 44, and when you are 44 and possibly peaking sexually he'll be This is a serious age gap when it comes to not only sex but simply energy and ability to engage in life.
Sorry if this upsets some people who feel the need to downvote but I'm older and this is a reality. You folks think this isn't a factor you are in for a rude awakening later. You make a great point. Make sure he is healthy, and I would add that he has a high degree of openness to experience. One of my friends 29 is married to a guy in his 50s.
In terms of fitness and his interests he's a disc jockey on the side, among other things , he likely acts and feels "younger" than many guys her age who are becoming unhealthy and boring. It's not uncommon, from what I know. From 30 to 50 women often become much more sexually confident, and perimenopause in one's 40's can cause a spike in libido. Basically as a woman you shouldn't expect to want less sex in your 40's, although of course that varies across individuals.
Hey, my ex is 60 and he still does first ascents in Alaska. It's all such a damn crap shoot! But bad health due to bad habits is a death knell. He's also probably unwilling to put up with the games, bullshit or deception that 20ish year old guys are too inexperienced to recognize or too insecure to care about. Stay in the present. The age gaps cause things to go off the rails when you compare childhoods or try to bond over things you experienced while growing up because they're probably going to be much different.
Focus on the commonalities you have with them right now. It's funny you say that, but I've never found this to be an issue. I have dated 23 year olds who love s music way more than I do. A 22 year old I met on Tinder was debating me about which Elvis period was better I said I liked mid to late s, and she said early Elvis I'm more likely to go to a contemporary concert for example, I'm seeing AJR in April than many of the somethings I have dated.
And, when there are differences, like when I mention growing up in the s, they'll either be jealous, or call me "an old man," but mean nothing negative by that. Pop culture is kind of superficial though, and nobody is ever tied to a specific time period. I've met younger people with older taste in music than mine because they like what their parents exposed them to. I don't really mean that stuff. Couples can expose each other to new things no matter the age. Maybe I just have different hang-ups, but even when I've gone on dates with women closer to my age, how they were impacted by the economy or dial-up changing to high speed never came up.
In terms of day-to-day importance, I care more about the music someone listens to and how they act versus any of that. I've never found a woman in her 20s to be ignorant of things like dial up or thinking it's odd that I grew up without internet, but maybe that's just that I date ones who are intelligent. Hence my advice to OP to "stay in the moment. I think it's depressing you're implying music is somehow superficial. I find that the women I date, even ones very capable of intelligently discussing the recession as I am , are much more concerned about music.
I regularly date and have dated women in their 20s and early 30s , so this is just my experience.
Maybe your experience is different, but "mundane" things like music seem to matter. So what's your ultimate point then, that pop-culture is the most important thing you care about bonding with someone with? Or that you've compared pasts outside of music with someone much younger and never had a jarring disconnect? Hey, you do you. Nothing is stopping you. My original comment was basically that despite the expectation there would be a disconnect, I haven't really experienced that.
Music was just an example, because my experience has been that far from a disconnect, many women in their mids like 80s and 90s pop culture far more than I do they talk about "Friends" like it was the best show ever That's fine, and my experiences are different. I can't talk with someone more than years younger for very long because our interpretations of events even current events are much different due to being shaped by the culture we experienced growing up.
I'm on a generation cusp and my experiences are largely Gen-X. Click here to see why this is necessary. And what about a disconnect in emotional intelligence? Or do you find you're on the same level as 20 something females? Is that why pop culture and music are the primary focus of many of your comments? You don't know my emotional intelligence or that of the "females" I date. Considering one is in med school, one is a teacher, and another in a Classics PhD program since I know classical Greek and Latin we had something to instantly discuss , I'm not too worried if some random person thinks that I'm emotionally immature or they are.
Those three things you mentioned have nothing to do with emotions. There is nothing wrong with defending myself against passive-aggressive comments. And, that's the last I'm even engaging this, and we can agree to disagree here.
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I now agree with you there. I think the person is important not the age. People mature and experience things at different times and rates. I dated a women 14 years younger than me and it was a wonderful experience. She was very developed in the areas that were important to me.
The age won't be an issue if you don't make in an issue. Ten years isn't even much of a gap, and if your interests, personalities and lifestyle preferences match, you'll soon stop thinking about it. I've been dating a woman 15 years younger than myself for about a year now and my advice to you would be don't worry about the age gap and just be yourself. You two will reach a point where the age gap isn't even something either of you think about and then how things progress will come down to how compatible the two of you are.
Also I honestly don't think 24 to 34 is that much of an age gap given how women mature much younger than men do. I don't know why people lose their shit about age gaps. I am older than my husband by 6. We met when he was in his senior year of college and 22 and I was What matters is whether your levels of maturity match, not your calendar age. If it's okay for a man to date a woman five years younger, it's okay for a woman to date a man five years younger.
You have been trained, by our culture, to see relationships between an older man an a younger woman as normal, and the opposite as abnormal.
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This is't how it actually works, though; plenty of women are with younger men, especially a gap of only five years. This shows the origin of this question. You've been taught by our society that younger women are "better. This is, to be blunt, complete sexist bullshit. Having a girlfriend who is a few years older than you says nothing about you, but worrying about it does.
It says you are insecure. A friend of mine started a relationship like that a couple of years ago. She was 29 when they started dating, I suppose. They got married two weeks ago. This sort of thing, as with almost any relationship, is almost entirely dependent on the people involved. A 5 year age difference when both parties are adults is totally fine and normal.
If you think this way already, what you are going to think when it's time for your friends to meet your girlfriend? Are you going to be embarrassed about her being 5 years closer to wearing Depends diapers or something? Of course its ok. But please make sure she never sees this question or knows about your concerns because it would be really hurtful and if I were her it would be amble reason to not date you or to dump you if I was. It would be okay if the man was 26 and she was 21 but the other way around feels too milfy, or cougarish.
Also, I'd just like to request that you and society as a whole work super-hard to unpack yourselves of this notion. If you could see your way clear. Because, "An age and power differential is okay as long as it's the man in power"? A 26 year old guy, dating a 31 year old woman, is it okay?
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As far as your references to "milfy" or "cougarish", ummmmmmm, I'm I'm not a mom or even vaguely matronly. You and I most likely have virtually identical life experiences and overall approaches to the world. We like the same bands, watch the same TV shows and movies, and are nostalgic about the same Saturday morning cartoons. The age difference is perfectly acceptable, and i know plenty of successful couples with that type of age gap.
You, on the other hand, sound immature and judgmental about both gender relations and age, and so it probably won't work out, unless your prospective girlfriend is willing to be considered milfy or a cougar, but she probably won't. A five year age difference is of no consequence if the two people involved are at the same stage of maturity. This does not seem to be the case here. She needs to be dating someone more in her maturity bracket. You need to mature some more.
I would never ever date a woman and not be proud of her, and hide her from my friends, it wouldnt be fair. I haven't even asked her out yet but it seems like she wants me to. If I was in a relationship with her then I'd most certainly be happy with what she was posted by curious-mind at 2: Um, yes, it's fine. My 31 year old girlfriend says no, it is not ok. Like most things, it's okay with some people and not okay with others. If you want to date this woman, pursue that goal.
The reason I asked this question about me being "okay" with dating an older woman, was reading a okcupid research article saying how most men compete for younger women, and there were guys in the comment section saying things like "Yeah if you can't get a younger woman its because you got priced out and you suck" I tried to not let it bother me but it did. That as a statistic men chase younger women, and dating an older woman is looked upon as failing to be able to compete with other men.
So far so good. He's not concerned about the difference at all. If you two really gel as a couple then people won't see a 5 year difference in your ages. Yeah, I think you're probably too immature for this relationship, dude. Okay wait, you are making life decisions based on the internets comments section of a dating site article?
Cut this shit out. Anyway, in my early-mid 30s I dated a guy very seriously for several years who was about four years younger. The reasons it didn't work out had nothing to do with our age gap. Here's where it could potentially become an issue - if she wants to have children, she is facing a much steeper timeline than you are right now in life. Where two twentysomethings can wait and see where things go, maybe get married, maybe think about kids when it feels right - a couple in their 30's do have to face the reality that female fertility starts declining after So if you don't think you want kids in the next 10 years, and she does -- the relationship can't work in the long run.
It sounds from your question and followups that you're focusing on a lot of superficial externals about how it might affect you rather than the heart of the matter - what is she looking for in you? Gwyneth Paltrow is five years older than Chris Martin. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I know if I were in her year-old shoes I would want to know if I was seeing someone who used the word "cougar" seriously in any non-feline context, let alone applied to how others might view our relationship, has no problem with a double standard, i.
If she doesn't know, I suggest you tell her. She might chose to make this a non-issue for you. I think it's just fine if a 26 year old man is dating a 31 year old woman. But, if we're talking about a 26 year old guy , I'm not so sure. Just noticed that 15 comments have been posted since I started writing. I'm betting that I'm not the only one who is giving you grief about this question. Who do you want to date? Her or other men? It's a fine age gap for anyone.
Best of luck -- you're gonna need it. I tried to not let it bother me but it did. OK, I'm here to tell you: You know the saying, "Haters gonna hate"? You, sincere internet stranger who is making a valiant effort to figure this out, are not a statistic. You may plug into some venn diagrams every once in a while, but the value judgements you make for your own time in life need not be unduly influenced by lying numbers or hype and spin or anything other than your own notion of where the ship you and only you are steering is headed.
It is weird in the sense that it's not typical and it is something some people might look down on you for. Does that make it bad or a bad idea?
I don't think so, but that's your decision to make. What people might think of you as a couple is just one of many factors that go into deciding whether to pursue a specific relationship. It's not wrong to consider it, either, but talking about it in this particular way reinforces a lot of gross sexist norms so I suggest not bringing it up like this around other people or around this woman.
Why do you care what's "normal"?
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Why do you care what other people think about your prospective relationship, or what they might think about you on the basis of who you date? While it's natural to wonder about the various consequences of a difference in age, I think your would-be sweetheart might be a bit taken aback to learn that you had to ask the Internet whether dating her would be "OK. Then of course there's the unnecessary stereotype that her being over 30 for five minutes means she is now turning at least some of her attention to baby-planning.
They haven't even gone on a date. I don't think kids need to be a factor in the dating process quite yet. I'm 26 years old and I've dated a number of women in their late 30s in the last few years. It's never been any kind of issue. On the other hand, at the tender age of 26 I think of myself as a grown man and I wouldn't lower myself to taking advice from a bunch of bros in the comment section of a dating website so maybe our experiences are very different. For what it's worth - not much, by the way - some women my own age have told me that the fact that I was dating a 40 year old raised their opinion if me.
But you should not be using the identity of the person you date as a status symbol because it's repulsive. Someone 5 years older than you is not old enough to be your mother, so "MILF" seems quite a bit off. My sister-in-law and my ex-sister-in-law are both five or six years older than my brother, and I don't think either relationship has had, or had, any issues relating to their age difference.
I don't know what to say about your apparent internalized belief that men "should be" older than their female partners or they'll lose status, except a it's certainly a widespread cultural meme in lots of places, and b in my experience, cultural memes like that are usually obstacles to creating relationships that work for you, not for random TV gossip shows or shock jocks or whoever.
Since you are asking, and given the words you chose, she is too old for you. Older women tend to respect themselves more and have higher standards. In that sense dating an older woman reflects well on you. Older women, because of their confidence and experience, also make better lovers. I would really encourage you to disabuse yourself of the subconscious misogyny you've indicated in your post and follow-ups so that you can be worthy of her interest.
Plutarch, in his biography of Marc Antony, remarks that Cleopatra met Antony "at the very time when women have the most brilliant beauty. Notwithstanding, what are YOU comfortable with? And the line about not able to attract a younger woman.. You fall in love with whom you fall in love with. When I was 34 I was dating a 27 year old. We had a lot of fun in the time we were together. Our work was similar, we liked the same movies, the same books, we had the same political views, our musical tastes overlapped.
Eventually he was transferred to another city and that was that, but we had a terrific time. No one, including the two of us, gave any thought to the age difference, because it was never evident. I am eight years older than my husband, and our respective ages have never been an issue between us. Except when he makes fun of 80s music. People have already given your grief for describing yourself as a 26 year old boy and caring about the opinion of an anonymous bunch of dudes on OKCupid, so I'll spare you on that front. My question is regardless of your concerns, how is anyone even going to know you are dating a 31 year old unless you tell them?
Unless said women looks substantially older than 31 or you look substantially younger than 26, your age difference is unlikely to be identifiable by the general public that's making the rather generous assumption that anyone else is going to care. I didn't marry any of them or anyone else for that matter but they -- well all but one -- were great relationships, the shortest of which lasted almost 2 years and the longest almost 8 years. I don't recall my age, or our age difference, being a factor. I primarily dated men younger than myself because those were the men that I happened to meet.
I went to grad school at 31 and most of my classmates were years younger than I was. When I got out and got my first internship, same deal. I had more in common with them then men my own age who were already well-established in their careers, etc. Most of the time we found out each others ages after we started dating and it just wasn't an issue for either of us.
I'm 29 and my girlfriend is There are lots of advantages to dating a grownup. I wouldn't trade her for a year-old for anything, especially when I remember what I was like at Also, did you read that OkCupid article, or just the comments? Because the article, if I'm thinking of the same one you are, was about how awesome women in their 30s are, and how dumb it is that guys don't tend to date older women.
And they had data to back up something women being awesome! Honey, five years is an age gap when you are a child. Five years doesn't rate as an age gap when you are an adult. I skipped to the end. This must worry you for some reason, but it shouldn't. I remember a ton of lady-persons who were 31 at my 26 and I didn't give a rat's patoot about our respective ages. Be glad you've found someone you care about and who feels the same. I'm a 30 year old woman. I'd have no problem dating a 25 year old. As the bard said, love the one you're with.
If she's OK with you, you should be too. When I was in my early 30's, I had a short relationship with a woman in her early 20's. We weren't a good match and one of the things that stuck out to me was the difference in maturity. If you're thoughtful and mature and your are compatible, great, have a good time. You haven't even asked her out. Cart before the horse. I hope you've worked through your previous issues.